Pre Filed Legislation

Is it back already? Is it time for the annual get together between the lawmakers and the lobbyists? Are the shenanigans at the House of Huey upon us once again? Moreover, will the Governor partake in the festivities? Yes, the chaos that is known as the Louisiana Legislative session is back. Only time, and the endless number of amendments, will determine if it is successful or just another trip to the circus.

Like my peers in the Phallus Place, I must serve the constituents of the Government Street District and the State of Louisiana during this three month span. I will do everything in my power to provide the leadership that our people deserve and demand. On that note, here are few of the bills that the Ways and Means To Make TV Interesting Committee have pre filed for the impending session.

SB 420 – Funds/Funding: This is an act that will allow the state to charge admission and/or use of the front steps, the courtyard, and other facilities for the use rallies, demonstrations, and other large gatherings.

Think about it. People are always upset about something and will have a rally on the steps to show their displeasure. All I’m saying is let’s make a block party out of it. Listen we charge $20 head with 300 people showing up and we make 6K in a little over an hour. We always good for 10 rallies during the session alone. Not to mention that people will get thirsty during the summer months and those steps will get hot. We’ll have the bottles of water ready to go for a modest price.

SB 468 – Funds/Funding: This is act that will provide services and equipment to hold an annual video game tournament.

The gamers owe me one for this. There are a ton of flat screens lining the halls of the Palace. Once the session ends we fire up the TV’s, hook up the PS3’s, and have the state’s largest Madden NFL Tournament. Everyone plays this game. They count down the seconds until the new one is released. However, we won’t just limit it to Madden. If you want to play Rock Band we can do that also. I work with the committee members on financial implications.

SB 711 – Healthcare: This an act to provide additional healthcare coverage to members of the working media.

We’ve all been there. You put in some long hours at the station and during that you get sore. Or you’re shooting some practice or game and a plastic clad player throws their momentum into your causing you bodily harm. This bill looks at placing masseuses at the station to work out the kinks from a long day of shooting. In addition, they may be used by the reporter after someone or something is working on what little sanity is left from a stressful day.

SB 5150 – Funds/Funding: This is an act to provide members of the Ways and Means To Make TV Interesting committee to get a pay raise.

I said last session that I could not vote myself a raise unless I could find a way for my peers on the Committee to get a raise also. Those first two bills I proposed should cover that. I know what your thinking, Senator are we in a money crisis right now? Yes, but here is the argument. I don’t see the Justice Committee chasing Pookey and Ray Ray after they cause some form of mischief 15 minutes before the show starts. I don’t see the Money Committee losing sleep while chasing a Cat 4 that’s about to pound into the coast during Hurricane Season. Simply put I think we earned one.

That’s all we have for now but rest assure we aren’t done. Myself, C-Mo, Sena-turd, and the rest of the committee will come up with more legislation to better help the fine people of the Government Street District and the great state of Louisiana, did you know?