Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Cult Following Returns

Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please. Fresh off his tour of Scandinavia, Pakistan, South America, and every other place Pookey and Ray Ray may be hiding. Please welcome back the Father of Fecal Matter, the Wizard of Web Droppings, the Sultan of S**t Shinning. This is the Turdpolisher. (thunderous applause)
Turd is good to have you back in the blogosphere world. Everywhere I go on the net is the same question, "Where is the Turdpolisher"? Everyone the link is there for you to go and partake in the stories of one of the hardest working bloggers in the business. It's good to have you back Sena Turd now I must inform Pookey and Ray Ray that their exploits won't go unnoticed, did you know?

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Enjoy But Remember

Hey everyone. I hope all of you are enjoying the Memorial Day Weekend. I've hung out with my good friends from the Big Raggedy, watched the Indiana Jones movie, highly recommended, spent time with my family, and updated the blog. But remember to take time and remember those who gave their lives to allow us to enjoy the freedoms that we have. Let's also keep the men and women who are protecting the country in our thoughts as well. Yeah it's nice to have a long weekend but none of this is possible with the brave soldiers of the U.S. Armed Forces. Ya'll take care, God Bless, and come home safe.

Sen. R. Hollins
Government Street District

Friday, May 23, 2008

"Live Cluster"

Ah yes, the much anticipated live shot. Whether it's small market, large market, supermarket, stock market ,breaking news, no news, breaking news that happened 12 hours ago there will always be a live shot somewhere for something.Wait a minute. Is that Brandon and Lauren from the "Peacock"? Are they, why yes they are. They're doing a live shot. Someone call Shakes McPanandzoom to tell him of this wonderful accomplishment. Ya'll welcome to the world of fast paced news in a slow moving van with a wok attached to a big stick.
Now be warned. There are dangers of doing live shots. You know about power lines, clearance space for the mast, and lightning. I'm talking about "Live Clusters".

What's that you ask? A "Live Cluster" is when three or more live shots happen at the same time in the same proximity of each other. This usually happens when there is breaking news of some sort in a small room after a press conference. Sort of like what you are seeing in the photo above. The result of confusion is compared to the sounds of a fox in the chicken coup. All hell is breaking loose and the reporter or reporters are trying to keep their composure while information is being bombarded from all sides of the room with a tiny voice talking to you in your ear. The good news is you stay calm and the shot goes off without a hitch. The bad news is that you will make it to the blog in some form or fashion. The worse news is that someone may roll video of said cluster for future laughs. I know there is video of this usual feat of flying words and mass amounts of cable everywhere and I'm working to subpoena the video in question, did you know?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Slices of LA Politics

It's getting hot down here but the weather won't be a part of this entry. Just how hot is it? It appears that a certain presidential candidate has put the LA wunderkind in his sights for political aspirations. Sen. John McCain, Republican Presidential hopeful, has extended an invitation to the Gov. Bobby Jindal for a nice weekend get together in AZ. I wonder what could be going on over in the Valley of the Sun? Could talks of Jindal maybe becoming the Vice President be in the works? Clearly this is just speculation however got to fill some time in the late news cast. The plan was for KN and I to get some MOS, which I don't like. But another plan came to the forefront.National politics aren't the only thing on the Forum. While making the Jindal Buzz interesting the folks at the Capital were causing a stir over "Gentlemen's Establishments". It appears that a group wants to outlaw "contact" between the dancers and the patrons of said establishment. My views don't seem much but isn't that defeating the purpose of the establishment in question? It's like a snake with no venom, might as well be a belt. I always amazed on what legislation is being drafted in the Capital. I only wish I could be there for the debate.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Living In Toxins

Allow me to throw this scenario your way. You are trying to live the American Dream. You get married, start a family, have some kids, and continue to settle down and enjoy all of life's gifts to offer. You go and find a nice house out in the country or in this case the "Free State" of Livingston where the school system is one of the best in the state, most of the people are friendly, and it's pretty peaceful.
Now imagine if that nice place you call home was once used to produce Crystal Meth. Turns out its more common than you think. With tighter laws across the country trying to prevent the manufacturing of this cheap form of crack now the attention of what to do with the properties that use to house the widespread drug. In a earlier story C-Line broke the news to family that their house was a meth lab. Then asked me to come along for the follow up of how much toxins are still left in the house and what being done to help consumers.

Emergency Legislation

The Committee of Ways & Means to Make Television interesting shall come to order. I move that we suspended the rules and allow, and enter in to the record, a letter that I received from the Turdpolisher who apologizes for his absence from today's meeting. I've been assured that all shall be explained with this presentation, did you know?

From: The Less-Than-Honorable Turd from the O'Neal District

To: The Honorable Senator from the Government Street District

RE: Hooliganism

Greetings from the O'Neal District. I write this note with a heavy heart. I must warn you and beg your intervention in a matter that I know is near and dear to your heart. No, I do not refer to great Constitutional matters such as freedom of speech, dog lick lives, or fifteen minute lunch hours. I refer to the incivility with which I was treated Friday last.

I have been in the business for twenty years, and NEVER have I been subjected to as vile treatment as I was at the hands of hooligans in hard plastic Friday afternoon. It is a blight on our community and a proverbial "shot fired" at the entirety of the Photog Nation. I pray that you can do something to bring a sense of calm to these matters.

I have roamed the edges of these events, both real and created, for 28 years. (If you include my time spent as a wee-turd working for the high school pictorial review) I am alarmed at the recent spate of violence against our breed. A violence that until recently had been kept in check by men in black and white stripes. Alas, I am afraid they are over-burdened and need the weight of law to bring calm back to their domain.

I beg your assistance in passing whatever legislation you deem necessary to rectify this problem.

I have included a link to a video clip of the carnage. Feel free to play it in open session if you think it will aid your efforts. The embarrassment I may suffer is worth it if this video saves one photog from the savagery of these ruffians.



Let the record show that this is not the first time this has happened to one of our fellow Photographers. If fact I myself have been the target of said situation, it happened to me twice in the same game. Let us not forget about Rep. X RAY TED, who to this day still has the battle scar to prove it. Therefore I will ask staff to begin work on legislation to requires all plastic wearing participants maintain an adequate distance from the photographer. Any violation of said act will result in a penalty to be assessed by the officials and/or the highlights of the scrimmage or game not to be aired on TV. I will also ask for increased Photographer Health Coverage to include a massage from any hot looking masseuse of his/her own choosing. Any objections. Hearing none the committee shall stand adjourned.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

It's been around for a century and it's a day that sons and daughters have programed into the PDA's across the world. Yes, today is Mother's Day. The day where we give thanks for all of the times you made us sit up straight. For all of the practices you brought us to. For all of the minor wounds you patched up on us. We say thank you mom for everything you have done for us. I'm blessed that this wonderful person isn't far from me. Nothing I could get her is worth the time and love she gave me. So what do you give the mom of a photographer???? What else, you get her a new camera so she can capture more memories. I hope she likes the red one. She is a Crimson Tide fan. Looks like she getting the hang of it.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there. And Happy Mother's Day to you mom. Thank you for everything and I hope you enjoy the new camera.

Dedication or Insanity

I got to give props to the Sports guys at the B.R. With the final games at Alex Box Stadium winding down, Steve Schenider and Jacques Doucet were burning the Midnight Oil putting together a half hour special on the famed baseball stadium. They are either dedicated to their craft or borderline insane.You're talking about a place that has delivered muiti National Champions, dozens of all Americans, and an endless number of memories. Now the hard part, going through a few decades of archive footage,getting the interviews to support the story, and condensing to just over 20 minutes of material. Gotta pay the bills with the ad time.
Those two put in a lot work to make it happen and it was worth it. I saw the show and it was put together well. It is a must see for every Tiger fan. Now to start getting ready for Sportsline since it's just around the corner.

A Lonley Blogosphere

Before continuing, please note the disclaimer at the bottom.

Sorry it been a week since the last post. A lots been going on personally that I've had to go through that just made me want to go and put the Forum into "Executive Session". Most of the stuff has been family related and I'm happy to say that we've dealt with it and we are stronger because of it.

Now there is something that has bothered me for awhile and that's the fact that Artist Formally Known As "Turdpoliser" is gone. First T-Boy Richard, who was very funny, now this. By now you all have some knowledge of what happened and that The Artist, with best intentions, decided to take down some of the best fecal matter that I have ever glazed eyes on. It disturbs me when bad things happen to good people. Turd you helped get into this wonderful world of blogging and I thank you for it. I checked out Lenslinger's post and I didn't know you had such a cult following. If you ever decide to hit the keyboard again there's a link waiting for you or if you prefer I will suspend to rules for a motion to recognize you on the Forum.

Just know the blogosphere is a lot emptier without you, did you know?

Sunday, May 4, 2008

That's Wake Up Call

Imagine if you will waking up to this... That my friends is a river barge. Used commonly for transporting things up and down river. Notice I said the river. This one found it's way on the top of the levee in White Castle. Early morning the thunderous sound rang through the dark sky shaking residents from their joyous slumber. Fast forward a few hours later and it woke me up. Actually it was the AM producer that woke me up but it was because of this rusted monstrosity that the bat phone was nearly thrown through the wall. At least the weather was nice.