Emergency Legislation

The Committee of Ways & Means to Make Television interesting shall come to order. I move that we suspended the rules and allow, and enter in to the record, a letter that I received from the Turdpolisher who apologizes for his absence from today's meeting. I've been assured that all shall be explained with this presentation, did you know?

From: The Less-Than-Honorable Turd from the O'Neal District

To: The Honorable Senator from the Government Street District

RE: Hooliganism

Greetings from the O'Neal District. I write this note with a heavy heart. I must warn you and beg your intervention in a matter that I know is near and dear to your heart. No, I do not refer to great Constitutional matters such as freedom of speech, dog lick lives, or fifteen minute lunch hours. I refer to the incivility with which I was treated Friday last.

I have been in the business for twenty years, and NEVER have I been subjected to as vile treatment as I was at the hands of hooligans in hard plastic Friday afternoon. It is a blight on our community and a proverbial "shot fired" at the entirety of the Photog Nation. I pray that you can do something to bring a sense of calm to these matters.

I have roamed the edges of these events, both real and created, for 28 years. (If you include my time spent as a wee-turd working for the high school pictorial review) I am alarmed at the recent spate of violence against our breed. A violence that until recently had been kept in check by men in black and white stripes. Alas, I am afraid they are over-burdened and need the weight of law to bring calm back to their domain.

I beg your assistance in passing whatever legislation you deem necessary to rectify this problem.

I have included a link to a video clip of the carnage. Feel free to play it in open session if you think it will aid your efforts. The embarrassment I may suffer is worth it if this video saves one photog from the savagery of these ruffians.

Sincerely,

Sena-Turd

Let the record show that this is not the first time this has happened to one of our fellow Photographers. If fact I myself have been the target of said situation, it happened to me twice in the same game. Let us not forget about Rep. X RAY TED, who to this day still has the battle scar to prove it. Therefore I will ask staff to begin work on legislation to requires all plastic wearing participants maintain an adequate distance from the photographer. Any violation of said act will result in a penalty to be assessed by the officials and/or the highlights of the scrimmage or game not to be aired on TV. I will also ask for increased Photographer Health Coverage to include a massage from any hot looking masseuse of his/her own choosing. Any objections. Hearing none the committee shall stand adjourned.